Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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