I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
