I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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