please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
