Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
