Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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