I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
