Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
