It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
