You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
