I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
