I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
