This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
