I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize