at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize