Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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