Don't you send me to vm
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
