Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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