Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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