You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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