Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
