Already got asked if we're dating
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
