I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The air taste purple.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
