i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize