i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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