I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
