dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
