Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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