My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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