i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
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