direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
