Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
