I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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