$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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