I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
