I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
