Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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