Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.