My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
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You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
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Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children