I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
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If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
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I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.