Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
