A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
you never un-have a 4some
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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