Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros, bitch!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
