she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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