Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
