hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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