You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Who died my cat blue again?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
