so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
