How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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