She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think I have vodka in my lungs
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
