What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
