I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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