you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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