last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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