So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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