wakey wakey hands off snakey
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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