you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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