I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
