help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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