Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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