I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
my being single is dangerous.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
