I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
