I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
