so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
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and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
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I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
why is half of my head shaved?
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