there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
