I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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