Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
