We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
