There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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