Soap is not a condiment
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
