one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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