I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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