Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Oh god it's open bar.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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