I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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