just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
