I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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