I cut my penus on the lid.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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