hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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